[ in limbo ]

The waiting room of becoming.

It's the awkward in-between where every decision feels like a mistake. One second, you’re juggling multiple jobs, events, and hobbies, and then everything comes to a screeching halt before you even process what ended. 

Can you simultaneously digest your past, be grounded in the present, and accept future unknowns? It’s unlikely, but in limbo, it feels as if my life cannot progress until I’ve achieved it. 

There’s an uncomfortable stillness to transition periods that evokes a unique sense of worry; it becomes an irrational fear that leaves you picking at every aspect of your life.

I analyze the past in search of clues to inform my future, but instead get hooked on a life I no longer live. Any attempt at being present leaves me feeling as if I’m being called to experience anything besides what I’m doing. And the future? I either avoid thinking about it completely, or every decision I plan on making feels wrong. 

Before you know it, the concept of time no longer exists, and you’ve given doubt the perfect environment to flourish: a limitless cycle of worry.

The thing is, I recently vowed never to let time pass without making meaningful memories, but since returning from my time abroad, I’ve done just that. In four months, I traveled to ten countries, made lifelong friends, and lived more fully than I had in my entire 22 years. Yet, in the four months that followed, I spent more time lost in thought, dreaming of a life I wasn’t living.

But maybe that’s the point.

The same boundless limbo I’ve felt stuck in also holds every version of me—past, present, and future. This “uncomfortable stillness” has something to teach me, but only if I’m willing to listen. The resistance I feel towards becoming that internal version of myself isn’t a roadblock—it’s a compass. As Steven Pressfield puts it, following the resistance points us toward true North (Pressfield 12).

The only way to reveal this version of myself is by continuing to seek growth opportunities. I’m learning to commit to a cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement because I know the person I want to become is already within me (thanks, James Clear).

So instead of staying stuck in the loop of overthinking and worry, I’m working on aligning my daily habits with the person I aspire to be. That version of me is built through “repeated beingness”—a quiet, consistent commitment to show up.

To break the cycle, I’ve gone back to the basics—my basics.

• The Bible 
• Atomic Habits - James Clear
• The War of Art - Steven Pressfield
• The Creative Act - Rick Rubin
• All about Love - Bell Hooks

And remember Ecclesiastes 3: 1-13

— Meron ⛬